How to Choose the Perfect Partner – Forever

Even though I wasn’t following Torah when I first got married, I’ve learned a great deal through experience, and I’d like to share those findings with you.

To choose the right person for marriage, you must first prepare yourself. Study Elohim’s character from Genesis to Revelation. Understand who He is, what pleases Him, what displeases Him, and what your role is as a man or as a woman. Only after you’ve obeyed all ten commandments, not nine, will true Torah believers even consider you as a spouse. Anything less, and they will pass you by. They’ve been trained by the Spirit to spot inconsistency immediately.

These disciples aren’t looking for boyfriends or girlfriends. They’re looking for covenant partners. Torah men want wives who are true helpers, not challengers of authority. A helper supports the head, she doesn’t lead or see herself as the leader, as the world teaches. Yet her role is sacred and irreplaceable. No man can raise children and steady a home the way a woman was created to do. The man was designed to lead.

Torah women are trained by the Spirit, according to the whole Bible, to be submissive. They cover their heads with a scarf because authority requires it, not because a ring says so. You simply will not find that kind of woman outside of Torah.

Here are warning signs to flee immediately and don’t look back if you’re dating: a disrespectful and argumentative woman. A secretive woman with a wandering eye, or an abrupt departure from the relationship with no explanation. This is the reason why it is your job to investigate whether the breakup was caused by another.

If they leave, it’s on you to discover the real reason, not from their words, which may be laced with deception, but through two or three witnesses and your own clear eyes. Make sure no one else drew them away. If they did, never take them back. This is why it is so important to investigate, because it is up to you, not them whether you will take them back. That pattern almost always repeats and deepens. Some modern Christians may call this unforgiveness, yet modern Christianity don’t obey the entire law. However, Deuteronomy 24:4 is clear. Once she has been with another, the former husband may not take her again. That is an abomination before the Lord. Elohim detests divorce, yet even in His hatred of it, He forbids taking back one who has been defiled. Mercy has limits, holiness does not bend.

Modern Christianity fails at understanding Elohim’s laws. They pick and choose one law over another, instead of looking for deeper understanding to make them work together in harmony. And because of this, they preach what they do not understand, and fail to biblically worship a God who does not know them. So, concerning a girlfriend or fiancé, save yourself then grief and future sorrows, if you have a girlfriend who does not respect you, walk away. Find the one who does.

Again, even before Torah entered my life, this truth already lived in my bones. I never took anyone back who had been with another. Once you understand, bone deep, why that rot must stay discarded, the parting brings no mourning, no regrets, no past memories, only the clean silence of a door that needed to close. This law must live in your heart.

It’s like biting into a cupcake only to find green mold inside. Revulsion hits instantly, you throw it away without a second thought. The sight of rot severs every thread of attachment. You walk away feeling lighter and happy.

Yet after it’s discarded, civility is still required. No sneering, no whispering to mutual friends. We’ve all reached for something sweet and found decay instead. Perhaps the person in your past relationship will mature and become right for someone else one day. We do not judge them. Elohim will judge them, we only judge the church.

Once respect is gone, it rarely returns fully. If they strayed and now want to come back, do not open that door again. You will pay for it later with children asking for the missing parent, with custody battles and broken nights.

Private lunches alone with someone of the opposite sex are forbidden. Group settings are fine, but never alone. That is fertile ground for infidelity, even if nothing physical has happened yet. Married Torah believers do not meet for private intimate dinners or talks with the opposite gender.

When betrayal comes, do not rage at the other person. Your partner chose to leave. No one can take what does not want to stay. Thank Elohim the rot was revealed early. Forgive always, but never reopen the gate. Love from a distance, choose someone with stronger moral fiber next time, and raise your children in that same truth. Let Elohim handle justice. Remember, After a breakup, keep it private. Do not turn it into entertainment for your friends Or their friends. Preserve your dignity. Keep your silence.

In marriage, keep every argument behind closed doors. Never run and tell family or friends when your spouse slips. They will not forget. Years later they will still bring it up at holidays, and what you forgave will become the headline in their eyes. Forgive privately, let time heal it inside the home. Outsiders never forget.

A righteous spouse never airs the marriage’s problematic dirty laundry to anyone outside. Needing that kind of validation shows they haven’t yet learned whose opinion truly matters. To seek outside advice on how to understand your spouse, to be a better partner, that’s ok, on special circumstances. But only with people you would never date. But never seek advice from people who are single, who have a broken marriages, or from those who have married multiple times due to their infidelity or “irreconcilable differences”. Irreconcilable differences is not permissible in the Bible.

Raise your children the same way. Never let them disrespect elders, family, strangers, or the homeless. Never let them curse in front you or elders. Never let them pick sides when adults argue. Never try to be their best friend. You are their parent for life, nothing outranks that. The best friend tag is a demotion not a promotion. Never follow the foolish trends of the world, wanting to be their kids best friends when they get older. Best friends hold grudges, best friends see themselves as mutual, best friends always support each other regardless if they are right or wrong, best friends stop being best friends. That doesn’t represent the responsibility of a parent. A parent doesn’t stop being a parent simply because their kids are grown. Only foolish people think that.

Teach them to depend on you and on Elohim first, not on friends or money. Success is Elohim, not how many friends you have. Too many friends often leads to constant validation seeking. Raise them to be independent until marriage, able to judge right from wrong by Scripture alone. Let them see you honor your own parents so they learn by example. I still honor my mother this way, even though we do not serve the same Elohim. My children see it, and Elohim willing, they will do the same.

Choose a partner who already lives this standard. Then your marriage will not end in tears. It will end with gray hair, scarves still on heads, children who rise up and call you blessed, and the quiet confidence that you both kept the whole covenant from Genesis to Revelation.

There is nothing better than a Torah partner. Torah couples honor and uplift each other. They do not disrespect, mock, or belittle their spouse. You will not find a better match on this earth. But you must become Torah first, or they will not even look your way. Because they understand what Elohim requires.

Shalom.